Five things teens need to hear more often.

It was a Friday night in South Texas. I was working as a sports reporter about an hour and a half drive away from Victoria, the city the TV station I was working for was located. I was shooting a high school basketball playoff game and the team from Victoria was struggling to score and losing by a considerable margin early in the first half.

 

It was one of those moments when you are thinking in your head, that coach better call a time out or this thing is going to get out of control. But, instead of a timeout, the coach stepped out on the floor, while his team was in transition and yelled, “FUNDAMENTALS!”

 

I think we need that moment in our lives sometimes when we are reminded to get back to basics. That said, this list of five things teens need to hear more often isn’t ground-breaking or particularly deep. It is just a simple reminder of the "fundamentals".

First a disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert on child rearing. In fact, I have no experience whatsoever as I am not a father. However, I am very blessed to be on the receiving end of good parenting. Plus, I now work as a youth minister, so I get to interact with teens on a daily basis.

On to our list…

  

1. "I love you." Allow me to be captain obvious for a moment. I believe this one is the most important. Every child, regardless of where they come from or what they have, needs to hear they are celebrated and desired. Isn’t that what love is? It is not about what they achieve or accomplish, they just need genuine love for who they are.

To learn more about love, you should read all of 1 Corinthians 13. I will share with you just one verse: If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

2. "You are important." This one falls in line with the previous need. It is important that your kids hear they are important!  Teens are searching for identity. They need to hear that you value them as people. They need to know their decisions matter. There are ways to say "you are important" without using those words. I found a post at angelamaiers.com to be helpful. She suggests the 12 Most Important Ways to Let People Know They Matter. Following are a couple of her suggestions (more at the link above):

- Begin and End your sentences with “YOU”

• I believe in you
• I hear you
• I understand you
• You were awesome
• You rocked it
• You amaze me

 - Ask Mattering not Matter-of-Fact Questions
Question are a window into our minds and intentions. We show people how much they matter by the questions we ask. How important do these questions make you feel?

• What rocked your world today?
• Who’s world did YOU rock today?
• How can I make your day?
• What can I do to make it better?

3. "Slow down." We tend to live our lives in the fast lane. This is especially true for most kids nowadays. School, homework, practice, youth group, chores, after-school jobs, and social commitments are all on the schedule regularly. This is not to mention things like social media, where kids voluntarily plug in to an almost necessary 24-7 network that requires their time and attention. We could go on. This is normal life for most teens. The problem here is you are just as busy and have to take the time to slow down and tell them. Is there intentional down time in your schedule to spend time with your kids? Take a time-out and remind your family that sometimes you just need to slow down.

 

If you remember, God himself took a timeout after creating the world. Genesis 2:2 says, "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done." Therefore, I see great value in slowing down.

4. "I'm here for you."  In Hurt 2.0, Chap Clark writes about the mid-adolescent's need for committed, stable, trusting relationships with adults. Systemic abandonment is a major problem among teens. Clark references a Stevie Smith poem about swimming in the sea to give us a better understanding of what he means, “’They are not waving, they are drowning.’ And just when they most need help, they are unable to take their parent’s hands.” How do we fix this? The simple answer is "be there". Clark writes, "May we, the adults who love and care for them, not be fooled. They are busy, yes, and stressed, but they want someone to demonstrate in word and action, 'You matter to me.'" It is like the old two birds with one stone idiom. You show your kids they matter by being there for them.

In Galatians 6, Paul says you fulfill the law of Christ by bearing one another's burdens. This is especially appropriate among those you love the most. He adds to this sentiment in Romans 12. In the ESV, the section is entitled "Marks of a True Christian". In verse 9 he begins this "section" with, "Let love be genuine". Part of the how is found in verse 15: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."

  

5. "My faith is important to me!"  I have read a few books, attended a few conferences and taken a couple of classes addressing faith formation among teens. It never fails, study after study shows the most influential models of faith among teens are their parents. Therefore if you want your children to take their faith seriously, you need to tell them about yours. Of course, it goes beyond words. During my teen years, one of my dad's favorite sayings was, "you can walk the walk, or you can talk the talk. But, your talk will never walk as loud as your walk can talk." Got it? It's just another way of saying "actions speak louder than words".  

What does walking the walk look like? Check out John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." 

Passing along your faith has always been important for God's people...

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  - Deuteronomy 6:5-9

 

Remember that high school basketball playoff game? Despite falling behind early, the team from Victoria battled back and won the game. According to the Victoria ISD website, Coach John Grammer is still on the court in Victoria some 7 years later. He probably doesn't remember that game. However, I guarantee you he still teaches fundamentals.

 

John Grammer, Courtesy: Victoria Advocate

May we all remember the importance of getting back to the basics.

  ***A lot of the "fundamentals" from this post were generated after reading Hurt 2.0 by Chap Clark.