Five things teens need to hear more often.

It was a Friday night in South Texas. I was working as a sports reporter about an hour and a half drive away from Victoria, the city the TV station I was working for was located. I was shooting a high school basketball playoff game and the team from Victoria was struggling to score and losing by a considerable margin early in the first half.

 

It was one of those moments when you are thinking in your head, that coach better call a time out or this thing is going to get out of control. But, instead of a timeout, the coach stepped out on the floor, while his team was in transition and yelled, “FUNDAMENTALS!”

 

I think we need that moment in our lives sometimes when we are reminded to get back to basics. That said, this list of five things teens need to hear more often isn’t ground-breaking or particularly deep. It is just a simple reminder of the "fundamentals".

First a disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert on child rearing. In fact, I have no experience whatsoever as I am not a father. However, I am very blessed to be on the receiving end of good parenting. Plus, I now work as a youth minister, so I get to interact with teens on a daily basis.

On to our list…

  

1. "I love you." Allow me to be captain obvious for a moment. I believe this one is the most important. Every child, regardless of where they come from or what they have, needs to hear they are celebrated and desired. Isn’t that what love is? It is not about what they achieve or accomplish, they just need genuine love for who they are.

To learn more about love, you should read all of 1 Corinthians 13. I will share with you just one verse: If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

2. "You are important." This one falls in line with the previous need. It is important that your kids hear they are important!  Teens are searching for identity. They need to hear that you value them as people. They need to know their decisions matter. There are ways to say "you are important" without using those words. I found a post at angelamaiers.com to be helpful. She suggests the 12 Most Important Ways to Let People Know They Matter. Following are a couple of her suggestions (more at the link above):

- Begin and End your sentences with “YOU”

• I believe in you
• I hear you
• I understand you
• You were awesome
• You rocked it
• You amaze me

 - Ask Mattering not Matter-of-Fact Questions
Question are a window into our minds and intentions. We show people how much they matter by the questions we ask. How important do these questions make you feel?

• What rocked your world today?
• Who’s world did YOU rock today?
• How can I make your day?
• What can I do to make it better?

3. "Slow down." We tend to live our lives in the fast lane. This is especially true for most kids nowadays. School, homework, practice, youth group, chores, after-school jobs, and social commitments are all on the schedule regularly. This is not to mention things like social media, where kids voluntarily plug in to an almost necessary 24-7 network that requires their time and attention. We could go on. This is normal life for most teens. The problem here is you are just as busy and have to take the time to slow down and tell them. Is there intentional down time in your schedule to spend time with your kids? Take a time-out and remind your family that sometimes you just need to slow down.

 

If you remember, God himself took a timeout after creating the world. Genesis 2:2 says, "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done." Therefore, I see great value in slowing down.

4. "I'm here for you."  In Hurt 2.0, Chap Clark writes about the mid-adolescent's need for committed, stable, trusting relationships with adults. Systemic abandonment is a major problem among teens. Clark references a Stevie Smith poem about swimming in the sea to give us a better understanding of what he means, “’They are not waving, they are drowning.’ And just when they most need help, they are unable to take their parent’s hands.” How do we fix this? The simple answer is "be there". Clark writes, "May we, the adults who love and care for them, not be fooled. They are busy, yes, and stressed, but they want someone to demonstrate in word and action, 'You matter to me.'" It is like the old two birds with one stone idiom. You show your kids they matter by being there for them.

In Galatians 6, Paul says you fulfill the law of Christ by bearing one another's burdens. This is especially appropriate among those you love the most. He adds to this sentiment in Romans 12. In the ESV, the section is entitled "Marks of a True Christian". In verse 9 he begins this "section" with, "Let love be genuine". Part of the how is found in verse 15: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."

  

5. "My faith is important to me!"  I have read a few books, attended a few conferences and taken a couple of classes addressing faith formation among teens. It never fails, study after study shows the most influential models of faith among teens are their parents. Therefore if you want your children to take their faith seriously, you need to tell them about yours. Of course, it goes beyond words. During my teen years, one of my dad's favorite sayings was, "you can walk the walk, or you can talk the talk. But, your talk will never walk as loud as your walk can talk." Got it? It's just another way of saying "actions speak louder than words".  

What does walking the walk look like? Check out John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." 

Passing along your faith has always been important for God's people...

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  - Deuteronomy 6:5-9

 

Remember that high school basketball playoff game? Despite falling behind early, the team from Victoria battled back and won the game. According to the Victoria ISD website, Coach John Grammer is still on the court in Victoria some 7 years later. He probably doesn't remember that game. However, I guarantee you he still teaches fundamentals.

 

John Grammer, Courtesy: Victoria Advocate

May we all remember the importance of getting back to the basics.

  ***A lot of the "fundamentals" from this post were generated after reading Hurt 2.0 by Chap Clark.

The verse Boyd Crowder missed...

I must admit my guilty pleasure is the show Justified on FX (now, in its 5th season). I call it my guilty pleasure because of the language and violence, not exactly a family friendly show. Raylan Givens (the show’s main character) is like a modern day cowboy working as a Deputy U.S. Marshal in Kentucky. 

From Wikipedia: Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens is something of a 19th-century–style, Old West lawman living in modern times, whose unconventional enforcement of justice makes him a target of criminals as well as his U.S. Marshals Service bosses. As a result of his controversial but "justified" quick-draw shooting of mob hitman Tommy Bucks in Miami, Givens is reassigned from Miami to Lexington, Kentucky. The Lexington Marshals office's jurisdiction includes Harlan County, where Raylan grew up and which [he] thought he had escaped for good in his youth.

Juxtaposed to Raylan on the show is Boyd Crowder. Boyd is a career criminal in Harlan County, Kentucky who begins season one robbing banks as a white supremacist.

 (L to R) Boyd and Raylan

[***Spoiler Alert – if you have not watched the show and plan to***]

In season one, Raylan shoots Boyd in the chest. Boyd survives the gunshot, goes to jail, and comes out a changed man, having given his life to the Lord. He appears to be truly redeemed, gathers a group of followers he calls his flock, and opposes his father’s narcotics enterprise in Harlan County. That opposition leads to retaliation, when his father comes in and kills every member of Boyd’s flock.

As a result of the massacre, Boyd begins to question his beliefs. He can’t understand why God would allow all the men in his church to be killed.

You can understand why this would be a traumatic event. However, this is also where I find Boyd’s theology to be a little short-sided.

Philippians 1:21 states, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

This is a verse we often miss in our attachment to this world. Sometimes we elevate the importance of our time here. We are scared to die.

The truth is, when you are found in Christ, what is waiting on the other side is so much better than anything we can imagine here.

Boyd called his band of misfits the Church of the Last Chance Salvation. The members were former criminals that Boyd had managed to convert to Christ as they lived in tents in the middle of the woods. Now, if they had truly been converted, Boyd should be able to celebrate in that he has not lead these men to their death, but instead they have found life. Although they have lost their earthly lives, they now live forever in Jesus Christ.

Now, I understand this is just a television show. But, I believe this is a verse often missed among those who question God’s mercy and justice. Have you ever heard the question, “how can God allow this person to die?” Or “why does God not heal this person? He/she is a Christian.” Once again, I understand the sentiment. Jesus himself is moved to tears when he loses one of his friends here on this earth. But, if you believe Philippians 1, those questions lose some credibility.

Hebrews 9:24 For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf. 25 Nor was it to offer himself repeatedly, as the high priest enters the holy places every year with blood not his own, 26 for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. 27 And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, 28 so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.

To win the race, you’ve got to cross the finish line.

What we are worshiping, we are becoming

On the New York Post's list of top viral videos of 2013, this ridiculous video of "How Animals Eat Their Food" came in at 11:

I am not sure what it says about our culture when this video gets 97 million views, but I do think there is a lesson we can take away (that's the youth minister in me speaking).

There is an old saying, "you are what you eat". In this case it is, you are how you eat. The message however, is the same. The things we regularly consume have an effect on who we are.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (if I am allowed to quote Emerson in the same post where I post this viral video) puts it this way...

“A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will come out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping, we are becoming.”

Have you ever thought about what you consume being the same as what you worship? Maybe not in those terms, but if you have been in enough bible classes you have heard that idea somewhere along the way. We are charged not to let our possessions become our idols.

I am going to ask you to look at this in a different way. Are the things you claim to worship really that important to you that they begin to change who you are?

I believe that is the expectation if you worship Jesus Christ. Check out Romans 6:1-4...

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? ² By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? ³ Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. 

We are called to walk in newness of life. If we worship Christ, He will begin to dominate our imaginations. Our thoughts of Him will determine our lives, and our character.

The race is all about keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus Christ and allowing His life to determine ours.

The marble represents you

When is the last time you stopped to consider how much God loves you? I came across the following illustration designed for kids when I was preparing for my lesson for Sunday for our Mission Sunday at Monrovia.

Some people sadly think that maybe God does not love them. They think that they are too bad or something and that God does not want anything to do with them. I hope you do not think like that because God does indeed love all of us and he wants us to know it! The Bible says: And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17b-19)

God has plenty of love to go around. Let me see if I can illustrate that to you.

I have a glass with some water in it. This marble in my hand represents you and the water in the glass represents God’s love. If I place you in the glass of water you are surrounded by God’s love. But look, there is still room for more marbles isn’t there? So let’s say I take some more marbles and put them in here. This one may represent your family, this one represents your friends. This one represents your class mates at school or day care. This one represents your church family. We could go on and on and you see … all of them are surrounded by God’s love. And remember … God is much much bigger than this small glass with water! God’s love is big enough for everyone!

I used a glass bowl of water and a sack of marbles to illustrate this point Sunday morning. I plan to keep the bowl on my desk to remind me of how I am surrounded by God's love.

I believe when we stop to consider how much God loves us, it should challenge us to love others that much more. God poured out his love on the cross through Jesus Christ. Do you feel surrounded by God's love? Are you called to share that love with your friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc.?

Sharing that love is a big part of this race we are running!

Here is the video from that portion of the sermon...

The full sermon can be found at monrovia.org

No makeup needed

I remember it like it was yesterday. I pulled up to the Victoria Mall and parked in front of Dillard’s on the lady’s side. In the pit of my stomach I could feel the butterflies tango like they were trying out for the next season of So You Think You Can Dance.

It was the day before when my News Director, Doug, called me into his office and we shared a conversation that scared me to death. He sat me down and said, “Chase, you are a professional now. You need to wear makeup when you’re on the air.”

I was fulfilling my dreams working as a weekend sports anchor. But, this new wrinkle in the plan sure sent my expectations in a different direction.

I tried to keep a low profile as inched across the pavement toward the glass doors of the department store. I was new in town and had only been on TV once. So, I thought at least half of the people in Victoria, Tex. wouldn’t know who I was.

 Dillard's at the Victoria Mall

Walking past the spring dresses, I spotted the makeup counters, each one displaying various kinds of makeup I knew nothing about. I wasn’t quite ready to take the plunge. So, I walked past the makeup area keeping an eye on the situation so I would be better prepared when I actually stopped. It was only a stalling technique to make me feel better. It didn’t really work.

The reality remained: I was about to buy makeup.

“Man up” I told myself. But, is that really appropriate when you are headed to a section of the women’s side of a department store labeled “cosmetics”?

The lady behind the counter gave me one of those half-smile, this-is-a-little-creepy looks when I shared my objective. As she sat me down in one of those makeover chairs, I explained that I wasn’t auditioning for the weekend’s drag show. I was on TV, I told her, and my boss was making me go through this humiliating process. She laughed and said she understood.

I got some funny looks as what I later learned was "Double Wear Stay-in-Place Powder" foundation was being applied to my cheek. I don’t imagine there are many men that take a seat next to the Estee Lauder counter. The associate went through several shades before settling on one she thought matched my complexion. Turns out God made me Ivory Beige.

 

Makeup is a funny thing. The basic idea is to cover flaws and enhance beauty. Our culture goes to great lengths to put its best face forward.

This is nothing new. Did you know sixth century women made their faces paler by bleeding themselves with leaches?!?! Ouch! During the Italian Renaissance, women put arsenic, lead and mercury on their faces. Those are toxic chemicals!

I guess a little foundation isn’t so bad after all.

I sure am glad we don’t need makeup (or leaches and toxic chemicals for that matter) to approach God. Not only do we avoid those awkward moments at the makeover chair, but we get to bring all we are to him and allow Christ’s blood to make us pure.

There is an old gospel song that every Church of Christ song leader is required to lead from time to time including all 28 verses. Here are a few verses of "Just As I Am" from Charles Elliot.

Just as I am, without one plea,

But that Thy blood was shed for me,

And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not

To rid my soul of one dark blot,

To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about

With many a conflict, many a doubt,

Fightings and fears within, without,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

The message is simple and yet so powerful at the same time. The Lord accepts me just as I am.

A couple of years ago, Travis Cotrelle took this old classic and added some new lyrics. His words resinated this idea of getting past superficial beauty and depending on God’s love.

I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

By the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms

            Praise God, just as I am

Love does it!

"Love doesn't just think about it. Love doesn't just plan it. Love does it." Those words are the basic idea of Bob Goff's book Love Does.

Bob's passion was overflowing when I got to hear him speak at the National Conference on Youth Ministries last week. It was like a roller coaster of amazing stories, each advancing this idea of extravagant love and how it moves us to do big things.

That night I downloaded his book and was about 8 chapters in before I even realized it. One of the reviews on the Love Does website from three kids really sums it up... "I think it’s really cool how Bob takes things from real life and compares it to what God and Jesus do.” Isn't that what we want our lives to look like: what God and Jesus do?

We are invited to live a life that looks like that every day. In Love Does, Bob puts it this way:

There is only one invitation it would kill me to refuse, yet I'm tempted to turn it down all the time. I get the invitation every morning when I wake up to actually live a life of complete engagement, a life of whimsy, a life where love does.

 Have you accepted that invitation today? To let God take control and allow each step to be focused on what God and Jesus do.

Jesus himself said people will recognize Christians by their love. Let's conclude with these words from 1 Corinthians 13:

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never ends...

What are you doing that requires faith?

It is a few days into the new year, but I challenge you to consider this question: What are you doing right now that requires faith? and what will you do in 2014 that will require faith?

It was a questioned posed by Francis Chan in his book, Crazy Love. It really made me think about what I am doing in my life to glorify God and point to him. As we reset for 2014, it is a great time to consider this thought.